Greg the Peg

Greg the Peg (no relation to Jake) went to the shops to buy some plums.

However, when he arrived at the shops he had plumb forgot what it was he wanted. So Greg the Peg instead bought the first thing he saw, which happened to be an air freshener for a car. He didn’t own a car, so it was a waste of money. Greg hated wasting money, so he bought a car. He bought a red Ferrari. It was rather expensive, and cost the whole of his life savings. When the salesman in the Ferrari showroom handed him the car keys, Greg started to cry.

“What’s the matter?” asked the salesman.

“I can’t drive!” sobbed Greg. “I don’t know how!”

The salesman almost choked on his cigar. “Then why on Earth have you just spent all your money on a Ferrari?”

Sniffling pathetically, Greg produced the air freshener from his pocket and showed it to the salesman. It smelt of pine.

“No refunds,” said the salesman, chortling now at the amazing stupidity of Greg the Peg.

“Please,” cried Greg the Peg. “Please teach me how to drive!”

The salesman took pity on Greg, and quickly explained to him the basics of driving. He neglected to mention that it is illegal to drive without a license, as he assumed Greg knew this already. This was a mistake. “Never underestimate the stupidity of Greg the Peg,” the salesman would later warn his friends and colleagues.

The unmistakeable sound of the 800-horse power engine of a red Ferrari stopped the salesman in his tracks. He turned just in time to see the shiny front end of Greg’s red Ferrari half a second before it mowed him down, ran him over and smashed through the showroom window. The sound of screeching tires and Greg’s high-pitched screams faded away as the red Ferrari sped down the road at breakneck speed.

When the red Ferrari ran the salesman over, by the way, his cigar bounced off the windscreen. I would have mentioned that in the previous paragraph but I only just remembered it now.

Meanwhile, as the mangled body of the salesman bleeds out in a pool of fragmented glass, Greg is hurtling out of control towards the orphanage…

Find out what happens in the next exciting installment of Greg the Peg!

EDIT: Greg the Peg has been cancelled. There will be no further episodes.